Can't Sleep? A HandBook for Dummies
by BlueCrescentMoon999
Summary: Ever have a story that's stuck in your head and won't go away until you write it?...Yeah...I was having a moment like that. R&R please, and no flames...


BCM999: Did you ever have a moment where a story idea randomly pops into your head, and it won't go away and keeps bugging' you at night and you can't sleep until you write it down? I was having one of those moments…and so here it is. A deranged idea that popped into my head and I am now relieved of. I'm going right to sleep when I'm done typing, I swear… 'yawns tiredly'

Disclaimer: BlueCresentMoon999 does not own BK. BK means Baten Kaitos. Not Burger King to all you stupid folk out there XP. She does own the story however, and that means you don't. But she does not own Kalas or Xelha or Gibari or Lyude or Savyna, or Mizuti. So don't go and try to sue her. She does own the idea of evil slugs though, THEY ARE EVIL . , and also owns the movie title: Evil Slugs that want to Eat Your Brain and Turn it into Mincemeat to Feed their Tiny Hoards of Children. She doesn't own HDTV: Movies on Demand with I-Control either. Thank you for your time.

* * *

"insert random talking here" Talking…Duh…

That's all you need to know.

* * *

Can't Sleep? A Handbook for Dummies

Written by BlueCresentMoon999 9/11/05

* * *

Plain and simple, it was dark outside. Well...that's what you'd come to expect at exactly twelve o'clock midnight. Kalas was heading towards his bed to sleep. He had just finished watching a scary movie: Evil Slugs that want to Eat Your Brain and Turn it into Mincemeat to Feed their Tiny Hoards of Children. Kalas never knew how evil and malicious slugs were…or the fact that they had built an entire civilization underground, with advanced technology, and flaming chainsaws of doom that were to be used to wipe out all of human existence utterly and completely…

Xelha and Gibari had watched said movie with him. Their reactions, you ask? The blonde just laughed at the idea of killer, evil slugs, while the brunette teased Kalas at how terrified he looked. Kalas, of course, denied it all, keeping his secret feelings or horror inside. To think, that after all this time, he had thought FluffPups were the evil and rabid ones! What with their…fluffiness...and cuteness…and making-everyone-like-them-ness… He shivered at the thought of such thing.

During the movie, Savyna was brushing up on her fighting skills, Mizuti was sleeping, literally, like a baby, and Lyude was being chased by a rabid FluffPup, (Kalas: HA! I knew they were evil!) so they couldn't watch.

Oh, I forgot. Where were they, and what city they were in I'd bet you're wondering… Let's backtrack then…to the year of 2,468,691,205,324 BC…Oops, wrong story…

The city of Mintaka, Alfard, had discovered a new type of entertainment. They called it…: HDTV, Movies on Demand, with I-Control! People came from far and wide, well a couple islands away is 'far' to me, to see this wonderful new development. Kalas and friends happened to be in town, and needed a well deserved break from their tiring journey. They eagerly checked into one of the 'viewing rooms' and began to watch their very first ever movie, and eat their very first ever eaten popcorn, too. While this excited Kalas and Gibari, on the other hand Savyna, Mizuti, and Lyude weren't so enthralled. What of Xelha you ask? She did whatever Kalas chose…

The three of them settled into a small room, with popcorn, buttered, and a large soda each. At the halfway point of the feature film, Xelha had gotten hiccups from laughing too hard, and Gibari had drank a bit too much soda…; he didn't want to miss the movie of course, but he had to go…really bad. So the last half, Kalas had to sit between a hiccupping maniac, and a person who was repeatedly, and distractingly, crossing his legs in awkward fashions. He really just wanted to scream…really loud.

Now that the movie was over, Kalas laid in bed, thinking deeply. So deeply in fact, that he was giving himself a headache. From the next room, he heard Gibari's obnoxiously loud snoring. The room to the opposite side of him, he heard Xelha's annoying hiccups. This plus the thought of evil slugs, was enough to keep anyone awake all night.

So he lay there, starting at the gold plated ceiling, for what seemed for like an eternity, until he thought he saw a yellow thing on his wall oozing green, disgusting slime. It was about the size of his thumb. Immediately, he knew what it was: an evil, malicious, killer **_SLUG._**

When this thought crossed his mind, he could only think of the movie, only think of the mutant slugs that were three feet long, brandishing their flaming chainsaws of doom…Kalas knew what he had to do to go to sleep peacefully that night…He had to _kill_…_that_…**_slug_**! That is, if it didn't kill him first…

Kalas inched up to the foot of his bed, ever so slowly, and sat there, perched like a cat. He didn't move his eyes off the slug at all, not once. His life depended on it! As he pulled his sword out, it glimmered in the moonlight, putting a smirk on his face.

His sword to the side, Kalas leapt off the bed, his legs stretching out like a frog, as the slug came closer. The next thing he knew, his head had slammed into the cold, hard wall, and he blacked out.

When Kalas reopened his eyes, he found himself sprawled out on the floor in an awkward position with drool trickling out of his mouth. He groaned and slowly brought himself up into a sitting position. Clutching his head, Kalas felt something…slimy. He retracted his hand, and stared at it in disbelief. Oozy…green…slime…and a slug had attached itself to his hand. Kalas screamed girlishly in fright and ran into a wall as he stood in confusion. He frantically tried to open the door to get out, while muttering something about salt and the kitchen. Kalas twisted toe doorknob, but to no avail. It wouldn't budge. What kind of idiot makes a door that locks on the outside, and you need a key to get out? Too lazy to find the stupid key, Kalas decided to take the easy way, and leapt out the window.

He scrambled off to the next window, and jumped in. When Kalas looked up, he found himself in Gibari's room, and if Kalas couldn't get himself out of his own room, what made his think he'd get out of someone else's? He saw Gibari sleeping there, snoring with an eye patch on his eye. Kalas snickered to himself at how much Gibari looked like a little pirate. All that was missing was the parrot sitting atop his shoulder…but that wasn't something that Kalas couldn't fix! He fingered a Magnus labeled 'Chicken,' but before he used it, Kalas had to o something about that snoring…

Kalas grabbed a handful of Kleenex and stuffed it in Gibari's mouth. He clapped his hands at a job well done and Gibari's muffled snoring, but watched the Kleenex disappear into Gibari's throat. Kalas blinked. Gibari had eaten the Kleenex…As he looked around Kalas spotted a set of earplugs lying on a bedside table. He snatched them up, and stuck them in his ears. After a sigh of relief, and a newly appeared chicken on Gibari's shoulder, Kalas vaulted out of the window.

A new set of windows stood before him, and Kalas raised his knee up to his chin. He proceeded to shout out the very first, and only, words from a person's mouth in the whole story.

"WHOOPING CRANE EATING SWALLOW!" Kalas did a karate/tai kwon doe/kung fu type of move, and killed the poor, helpless window, knocking it to shatters. He clasped his hands together, and nodded at the dead window. A gong sounded in the background.

"You were a worthy opponent. HAI!"

Kalas bounded in, and found himself lying in the kitchen sink on a pile of dishes. He moaned as he half climbed-half fell-half limped out, equaling…a whole and a half…but anyways. As he squinted his eyes, Kalas saw Xelha standing next to him with wide eyes. She was clutching a glass of water, but it didn't seem do be doing her any good, because she was still hiccupping, more then usual. He just ignored her, and crawled over to the table, which housed a shaker full of the very valuable salt. Kalas unscrewed the cap, and dumped the contents on his head. He sighed contently, but felt something crawling down his back. **_The slug._** He derangedly grabbed a can of salt, and poured it down his back, jumping in the air at three second intervals.

Xelha stared at him awkwardly and yawned as she brought her water back to her room.

The slug shriveled up, Kalas picked it off his back, squished it under his shoe, and headed off to his room. As soon as he climbed into the covers, a wave of relief came over him. Eventually, he fell into a deep sleep, unbeknownst to the slugs carrying flaming chainsaws of doom headed towards his at that very moment in time.

* * *

BCM999: R&R Peoples! 'Wave, Wave' I'll be surprised if anyone wants a sequel or another chappie, but please say if you do. I love pleasing the readers AND NO FLAME EITHER! They will just be used to roast Geldoblame's Easter Island Head-like body. I HATE HIM! 


End file.
